Barring a collapse, I’m going to run 10 miles today. My lungs are feeling a little weak from that cold I had, and I still have a mild lingering cough. I want it forced out.
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An eye that can see the entire universe has a right to be called the I of the Universe.
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I wouldn’t give him my number or take his number.
“It must be hard for you to find your one, huh?”
I laughed. I see his point. How do you find the one if you’re locked up in your castle. But it has to be this way. I have to know. Because I’m terrified that I won’t be able to be faithful to anyone but him. I fear that unless I find him, whoever I’m with, I’ll still look for him. And I can’t allow myself to care about someone and hurt him that way. I would most like to be with someone I am so wholely committed to and devoted to, that I know my search has ended. But if that’s not possible, I would rather be alone, than ever hurt a person who loves me.
I’ve always admired people who can express their creativity, their inner selves with spontaneity. It’s watching them, that I can really feel my Saturn block. Trying to work around it though. I just have to remember, the universe has a different purpose for me.
Still won’t give out my number or take a number. Needed some positive reinforcement, so texted B to let him know how good I’ve been, but he was too drunk to care.
Just one of those nights.
It’s hard for me to guide you, because I’m the one who wants you. But to honor you I am willing to guide you, but it means I can no longer want you. For better or for worse, I’ll always sacrifice what I want in the service of someone else. In a way, it has become my penitence, my prison. I think I’m just hoping that one day, there will come a time when I won’t have to, and two people can be happy at once. I just really want what’s mine. But I’m depending on what’s mine to be strong enough to convince me of it, because otherwise, how will I know him from the rest?
“What do you want out of life?”
“Wherever it is I’m trying to go, I want to get there.”
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Don’t get jealous. Maybe you’re the guy in the future. But you’re not that guy now…
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About Me:
experimental stream of consciousness writer who may or may not be a liar. sanest person you've ever met but i'll look you in the eyes like a computer eating magnets. what i don't know about you, i'll make up. and you'll still love me because you don't know where i went that moment you swore i disappeared. my moods chase the seasons and i hear it makes an interesting read. i like smelling good.