Echo

Being an adult means having the balls to have difficult conversations.
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This sign says, “See more light than tunnel. Chase what matters.”
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Don’t let your appetite leave a trail of ruin.
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Cath . . .
She stands with a well intentioned man
But she can’t relax with his hands on the small of her back
As the flashbulbs burst she holds a smile
Like someone would hold a crying child

Soon everybody will ask what became of you
Your heart was dying fast and you didn’t know what to do

Cath . . .
It seems that you live in someone else’s dream
In a hand-me-down wedding dress
With the things that could have been are repressed
But you said your vows and you closed the door
On so many men who would have loved you more

Soon everybody will ask what became of you
Your heart was dying fast and you didn’t know what to do
The whispers that it won’t last roll up and down the pews
And if our hearts were dying that fast, they would have done the same as you
I’d have done the same as you

–Death Cab

It’s true…you can’t know the future, but sometimes you can perceive it.

Don’t ever say I don’t have direction. I approach my future like a heat-seeking missile.

Curtis was telling me about how after he had met me at the gym, he had tried to look me up in the gym’s system to figure out my name and who I was, going through the time frame I was there and pulling up every female Asian account but he couldn’t find me (it’s because I use a guest pass so I’m not in the system). He figured that someone he knew must be connected to me on Facebook and he had looked through Facebook but couldn’t find me there either. I was this big mystery woman and he had no idea how to find me. Then the next day, I added him as a friend on Facebook. I told him about how I had searched through Michael’s trainer’s friends to find him, and then had to contemplate if he was going to think it was weird that I’d looked him up. I figured the fact he seemed to orbit around me but be hesitant about getting closer meant he was probably attached, and I had prepared myself mentally that I wasn’t hitting on him, just interested in being friends.

I told him how I had tried to figure out his schedule, and the only time he seemed to be around was Saturday nights, so I would show up then hoping to run into him. He laughed about how it was a good thing I was better at finding him because he was failing at finding me. I remember a day when I’d come in late and he was standing at the front desk. I went to the basketball courts and within a minute he came in, beelining straight to the the far court where I was and started rebounding for me without saying a word. I told him how he came through the door, seeming to ignore everything and everyone else and came straight at me with this walk of determination, like a mouse who knew the direct path in the maze to the cheese. I remember watching him come straight at me and being simultaneously astounded and flattered, and realizing that in a way I expected this–I would have been disappointed if he hadn’t followed right after me, though I would have never admitted it to myself if he hadn’t. We played HORSE, and throughout the game, he would approach and retreat, and every time he got too close to me, he would blush.

Told Rie about my monster cardio day–an hour on the bike, 22 minutes on elliptical, 4 miles on treadmill mostly running between 6.5-7.0 mph.

She said:

“So, uh…you still haven’t uh…outletted that…um…energy…”
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