Echo

If I had an ice cream shop, I would feature flavors like:
Salted Caramel (caramel ice cream with thick pockets of salted caramel)
Andes Mint
Maple Bacon
Peanut Butter Bacon
Honey Lemon Lavender
Mojito
Lime Basil
Cinnamon Pecan
Cardamom
Blueberry Lemonade Sorbet
Pear Ice

I would have toppings like vanilla rum caramel, lemon custard, a loin shaking chocolate sauce, and toffee pecans and walnuts.

I would have weekly sundaes that are culinary creations.

May I recommend getting your sundae on a warm Belgian waffle that hints of vanilla and cinnamon?

My retail potential is mindblowing.
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I think I hurt my arm but I don’t want to tell anyone.
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I am transcendent, not a revolutionary
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Field day. Heading out. I’m smelling damn good.

I believe in good intentions. It still doesn’t make anything real.

I am either your greatest prize or your greatest nightmare. It depends on how suitable a person is to handle the truth of what I am.

It’s funny that I keep which tarot card that represents me a secret. My totem is the Princess of Disks who is the image I aspire. My being, however, is represented by the most misunderstood card in the deck. We don’t choose our symbols, just as it is the greater self which chooses when and who we are born. I don’t often reveal it unless to people really curious whom I trust not to be judgmental. It’s the same as revealing my abilities. There’s no room for judgment.

A description:

It is not a creature of evil, but of great power, the lowest and the highest, both of beast and god. Like all power it is frightening, and dangerous…but it is also the key to freedom and transcendence if understood and well used. There is a convincing argument that this is the most powerful and dangerous card in the deck. Magically speaking, it is the one card in the deck that holds the secret of how to escape the material and temporal bonds of Earth.

i’ve faked my life like i’ve lived…too much
i’ll take whatever you’re givin’…not enough

it’s what I have to tell people as well.

Pisces/Scorpio mix is most likely to pull out a surprise the size of an entire universe. Like, oh I’m not the autistic brother you always thought. I’m brilliant but just lazy. Or the quiet, timid high school friend who goes out and builds an empire. Or the boyfriend who says, oh by the way, I’ve been simultaneously sleeping with my girlfriend, but you can’t get mad because we never discussed this. They are a very mysterious and unique bunch. I believe they find their natural home in left field.

Yesterday I was very quiet. Wanted to feel silence, feel the separation of myself from what was not myself.

Being close to people is draining. Not necessarily because the people are draining me, but because it takes a lot of energy to be consistent. To continually adapt to their world and their communication in a way that validates their world and projects you as a consistent person. Even though they love you for being you, they still want to be able to recognize you from day to day.

From the airport on, people were staring. A young Japanese business man in the security line watched me walk by and swiveled his body around. He stared until I gave him a small smile. He was pretty far ahead of me, and I even got pulled for another random check, he was still standing outside the checkpoint watching me. I walked by quickly, nodding at him as I went, putting more attention into getting my bag on.

A rush of passengers came off a plane going in the opposite direction and it was the same, more staring. Sometimes a nod would get them to stop looking, but not always. Found a seat at my gate, and the Indian guy sitting opposite me was watching me, as if he was trying to catch my eye to start a conversation.

Flight was delayed by an hour. I realized I hadn’t eaten all day so I went to the restaurant. I sat at a corner table and this peppy blond girl started up in a conversation, even offering to loan me a book the next time I was in Los Angeles. She felt mildly insane to me, like out of nowhere, I had this jellyfish clinging to me.

I was the last person on the plane. The guy sitting next to me I recognized as a guy who had been watching me when I was in the restaurant. I pretended I didn’t notice and went to sleep. Woke up 10 minutes into flight in a cold sweat. Unusual. It terrified me. I’ve never gotten sick on a plane. Why would I now? This week has been hard on my body. It passed, and slept for most of the flight, before the aforementioned yelling that awoke me to find the guy in my row staring at me.

I think what it is is that people want to connect. It’s like coming home from work to find a line of people outside who want to touch you, feel you. I could barely even smile anymore, I needed so much silence to contemplate. But it was okay.

In baggage claim, I stopped a conversation between two businessmen mid sentence when I walked by. A high-school kid dropped his ipod.

The thing is, I watch it ripple through, all this watching from other people, their eyes fixate, their bodies even follow. It happens on such an instinctual level the way they respond to me. But what always surprises me, astounds me, is how I can have such an affect on people, but in hindsight, they don’t remember. For a moment, they glimpsed into my reality. But it was like a sudden dream they had in a waking moment, but one which they can’t remember.

So how can I convince them of something if they can’t remember?

I wouldn’t make a boy cry if he didn’t deserve it.

Advice to my cousin:

A lot of times men will want to see what your limits are of what you’ll put up with from them. They won’t necessarily test in big ways, like cheating, or talking about this really great blowjob he once got from his ex. If you’re like me, this is the guy I make cry before I give him the boot. But they’ll push just to see how much room they have on the tether, how much control they have over you and the situation. A lot of it, if it’s reasonable, is normal. It’s a male need to know their territory. But it needs to be reasonable. He should know what he has to lose. If he doesn’t, he’s not smart and by evolution, he’s not a suitable partner. 2nd, you determine “too far.” You can put up with normal boundary testing, but a challenge to your boundaries of self-respect is different. Sometimes a guy looks at me wrong or looks at my breasts wrong and I’m gone. There’s enough men in this world that you don’t have to put up with childish idiocy. End of the day, you’ll have him only as long as you want him, and do you want a guy who pushes you too far just because he can?  If you’re willing to give him a chance, let him go as far as he dares to go. Don’t hold back how you feel when he’s trying to test for “too far” and coming damn close. These are his warnings. But if they go too far and fall off the side of the earth, cut em loose. Wouldn’t you rather have a guy who is more interested in you, than in what he can get away with you?

I have memories which my history can not account for.

Just like everything we see here on earth is consistent and stable, it’s actually so many things in motion, molecules in different planets on a giant rock hurtling through space. But in order to function at this level, we have to see it as one continuous tangible reality. As people we are the same. We’re a billion different people from one day to the next, and those same possibilities are inside each person. We are not consistent. We are not one person. Even if you have to keep a tangible personality together for someone who needs to look at a more fixed object, you’re still just disguising a being in constant motion.

I was looking up things that happened on my birthday, maybe to shed some clues about my entrance into this world.

I found this report. “It was an unprecedented year; it took 11 years to almost equal the quality and amount of reports recorded for 1978.”

And on the day I came to lay in a hospital in Texas:

Location. Williamson West Virginia
Date: June 14 1978
Time: 2235
Two young men were fishing at a local creek when a strange craft appeared overhead at power line height. It was silvery gold in color and appeared to have a door on the bottom and some type of structure on top. Two beams of light were focused on them and they could see flashing red, green, and blue lights. They suddenly felt paralyzed and could not move. They became confused and lost all track of time and heard some strange whispering. They later became aware of their surroundings as they got home. One of the witnesses remembered sitting on a chair inside an object with a very tall dark being looking down on him. There was also a terrible smell present. Other witnesses in the area had seen an object overhead and others heard a roaring sound.

This retrograde is bending reality a little. Lots of strange and unusual perceptions.

There was a guy who suddenly started yelling from the back of the plane. It sounded like a Native American yipping. I catapulted out of sleep and found the guy next to me staring at me wide-eyed. For a split second, I was terrified it had been me yelling in my sleep. He said, “What was that?” And I felt relieved, saying, “I’m glad you heard it, too.” The guy in the aisle seat next to me had been woken up as well and said, “That’s the last thing you want to hear on a plane.”

But what was it? We’d turned around and looked towards the back, but nothing looked unusual; even the flight attendants were hidden away somewhere. Just this sound that seemed out of place, that came out of nowhere.

it goes black black black black and blacker.

unmarked helicopters hovering…

the lord is coming soon.

i said i was a lightning rod.

you thought it was a weather balloon.

Alex O’Loughlin has a new movie with Jennifer Lopez. Just remember, he was in my dreams long before he was in any of yours.

Side note–as I went to grab that post to link it to this one and I reread it. I think it’s interesting how much dreams and reality tie together. It’s complete yin and yang.